On Friendship, Needs, and Thanksgiving

Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

Kahlil Gibran

Last night I had a brief but heartbreaking conversation with someone I love very much, someone who has been my friend for many, many years. He used to be my best friend and we used to share our joys and sorrows and support each other through thick and thin, but as the years went by he became more and more preoccupied with his own problems and had less and less time for me. For a time this was very confusing to me and I was convinced that I had to be loving, supportive, and helpful until his circumstances improved. The years went by and I began to notice how often I was there for him and how rarely I could depend on him as a friend. Last night, when we talked, I realized that most probably we will never be best friends again. He has other priorities in his life. The insight brought me to tears.

Not five minutes after I hung up a new friend called to see how I was doing and to invite me to breakfast. The timing was impeccable, as if she had heard my sobs. This morning she came to my place bearing the most delicate and delicious cheese and mushroom omelets, grapefruit, and breads. I set the tiny little table in my balcony, served us some orange juice, and pulled out some pretty plates to show off her handiwork. It was a beautiful and sunny morning and a soft cool breeze was blowing, making even more precious our time together.

We chatted happily for over an hour about our struggles and our joys, her life and mine. My friend's eyes sparkled as she quietly listened to my stories and softly asserted her point of view. I did my best to reciprocate, asking about her health and things that bring her joy. She looked happy and at peace. My heart started to heal, and my hunger for spiritual food was assuaged as my tummy filled up with the delicious treats. I was so very grateful to have her in my life! I was hungry and she brought me peace.

So I suppose I have to learn that life flows and ebbs like the seasons, and so do friendships. Very few friendships last a lifetime, especially when they were quite fragile and unhealthy to begin with. It is hard to let these friendships go, or at least to accept them for what they really are and not what I would like them to be. I hope I can learn to do that lovingly and gracefully as time goes by. Meanwhile, I am grateful for my lovely new friend, the answer to my needs, the one I've sown with love and hope to reap in thanksgiving for many more years to come.